Q I’ve chosen to be estranged from mother for the last 10 years, since my dad died. My mother is really mean and nasty, and from reading the literature I can see now that she has what’s called a narcissistic personality disorder. The only way I could cope was to ‘divorce’ her years ago.
I’ve now heard from an elderly aunt (her sister) that my mother wants to have contact with my two kids (aged 8 and 6), because she’s ill and wants to have a relationship with her only grandchildren before she dies.
I don’t know whether to believe this or not. My fear is that if we let her into our lives she’ll take over, play the victim and manipulate everyone into giving in to her demands.
My husband and kids have no idea how toxic she really is and when I mentioned my aunt’s ‘phone call my husband sided with her, and thinks I should give my mum one last chance.
I’m feeling emotionally manipulated – again! All I want to do is protect my kids from her nastiness, tricks, lies and games. I know it sounds mean but I wish she already was dead. Should I let her back in to my life?
A Only you can make that decision. It must have been a dig decision for you to have no contact with her years ago and your reasons must have been right for you at that time.
Let’s focus on what is of most benefit to your children. If they haven’t had a relationship with her so far they may not see any point in starting one now. They will also be picking up your feelings about it and this will confuse them too.
What do you fear most from having contact with her again? Are you better able to hold your boundaries with her now, than you were in the past? [Read more…]