Q We are trying for a baby, and as a lesbian couple that brings its own challenges. As the one who’ll be carrying and giving birth to the baby, my biggest dread and fear is that I might smack him or her – like I was smacked (and much more) as a kid.
I went to strict catholic boarding school (with the nuns wearing the full scary gear), because my parents were travelling abroad a lot for my father’s business. I left there after a couple of years when my parents finally realised how harsh the school was with ‘discipline’ and corporal punishment. I hate to think that this might somehow have been programmed into me. I haven’t spoken about this with my partner as I don’t want to freak her out. (She isn’t physically able to be the birth-mother). I’m really scared. Do you think I’ll lose it one day and smack my child?
A The fact that you are already aware of this fear and actively want to ensure that history doesn’t repeat itself is a huge step in the right direction – and makes it much more unlikely that you would ever smack your child. You have the all important ‘self awareness’ – which abusive parents lack. [Read more…]