A My boyfriend has his own business, employs staff and has lots of friends. What I don’t understand is how someone who seems to have their life sorted, can be under the thumb when it comes to his mother.
I’ve met her and she was offhand and rude to me. He says it’s just her way and not to let it bother me – but it does.
He’s at her beck and call. Even though she’s in good health she rings him a few times a day, and expects him to drop everything and do errands for her. He’s 43!
When he introduced me to her she said to him (in front of me) ‘you’ll always be mine’ – how weird is that, but he can’t see it.
He’s an only child so I can understand her dependence on him since her husband died 40 years ago (she never re-married) – but this feels more than that.
It’s as if she’s jealous of him having another woman in his life.
She treats him like her property and ‘as the man of the house’ (he still lives with her). She expects him to be more like a husband than a son.
He has told me that she was very controlling when he was a kid and would give him the ‘silent treatment’ if he didn’t jump when she said jump.
I don’t mind him helping her now and then, but she’s really got her claws into him and I worry that she will convince him to break up with me. Why can’t she let him go and have a life of his own?
A I’m pleased that you are aware of what it is about this set up that bothers you the most – being rejected by him on her say so.
He clearly has a strong loyalty to his mother and is willing to be at her back and call – perhaps putting her needs ahead of his own.
I wonder too if this whole scenario has any old links and associations with you and your past? [Read more…]