core childhood feelings of lonelinessQ I don’t mean that I have no friends, I have several. I also have a loving partner and kids. The problem is, no matter who I’m with or what I’m doing I still have this underlying feeling of flatness, and dullness. It’s like a feeling of sadness, of waiting, and of being shut down and alone. I know I felt like this as a kid but I’d have thought it would have gone now that I’ve disowned my abusive parents and started my own family. I wish I could be free of this feeling, but how?

A I suspected that you’d had either a neglectful or abusive childhood as I started to read your e-mail – and so I wasn’t surprised to read that comment.

I don’t know what type of abuse you suffered but it will inevitably have left an imprint upon your developing psyche, your soul and your sense of yourself and what you should expect in life.

I know myself that those old ‘core feelings’ which sum up our childhood do still linger around in adulthood. They lurk in the background whilst we are busy being in ‘role’ and carrying out the activities of our everyday lives.

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Making friends is hard when you have low self-esteem and low self-conceptQ I can’t seem to fit in wherever I go. I have tried to make friends but people don’t seem to like me. I’ve never had any real friends, only classmates in school, but they didn’t invite me round to their houses or even to their birthday parties. I know that I’m ugly and a bit of a computer geek but I feel really lonely and wonder if it will always be like this. Life will be too painful without friends and I don’t know how long I can stand feeling so sad about it.

A Firstly let’s be sure that you are wanting to improve your life and not end it. If you are feeling so desperate that you are thinking of harming yourself in any way then please reach out and get professional help (your GP or local charities will be able to help you).

Secondly, assuming that you are still feeling optimistic about changing things for yourself, then let’s talk about how that can come about.

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