Relationship problems, wanting to have a babyQ I had quite a good childhood – I was an only child who had plenty of stuff, nice holidays, pretty dresses and toys – but yet I still feel so sad inside.

I’ve been self-harming since my teens, have an eating disorder and I’ve even tried to kill myself in the past. My dad was a busy business man and we travelled around a lot and I went to several schools. My parents divorced and I lived with my mum from the age of 12. She was depressed and a heavy drinker.

I’m trying hard to make a go of my life, but I’m still single at 35. It’s becoming late for me to be a mother and I fear this will never happen now, but more than that I fear that I’d pass my own sadness and problems on to my child too. I hate my own company, and yet when I do get a man I change into this suspicious, scared and clingy little kid and I despise myself for being like that. It causes arguments and split-ups. I push people away because they can’t cope with me. I’m so sad underneath my smiley face. How can I find a happy relationship and have a baby with him?

A You’ve raise several points here – and my written response can’t cover them all fully – but I’ll share my main thoughts with you, and perhaps you can then decide if you’d like to get additional professional help to fill in the gaps.

The most important relationship you will ever have is the one you have with yourself.

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PTSD traumatic birth experienceQ I had a very traumatic time with the birth of my first child three years ago – I had to have two blood transfusions and I nearly died. We always said we’d have at least two kids, and my hubby is now keen that we have our next child. I am scared to death about having to go through that nightmare again… it is literally giving me nightmares. We don’t want to adopt a child and so I know I have to get over this. But how?

A You’ve faced a real life-or-death situation and it’s perfectly understandable that your brain is shouting out – ‘NOT AGAIN!!’

We are programmed to avoid serious threats to our survival.. but in this case the threat, ironically, is in doing the one thing that ensures survival of the species… reproducing.

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